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January 30, 2008

Marriage does WHAT?!

Ok. Prepare yourselves for a rant.
Have any of you seen this billboard around?

We used to pass this billboard every day on the way in to work (back in the good old Baltimore days) and it used to make me fall into an apoplectic rage every time. First off, I'd like to know who it is that is sponsoring this nonsense. I sure hope it's not my tax dollars. Actually, I just looked it up. I have no idea who supports it, but luckily it's not inadvertently me. It's the same people who are promoting abstinence, which I don't have a problem with (having been a teen who had no luck bagging a man, promoting abstinence just makes me feel like I was principled and unattractive instead of just unattractive). Anyway. What gets my goat is that someone actually thinks that if they write that on a billboard, some kid is going to walk by and be like, "Oh? WELL then. I guess I'll get married, instead of, like, getting out of this fucked up relationship." Marriage only works if the RELATIONSHIP works. And it's a really really REALLY bad idea if the relationship doesn't work (how many women do I know who are like, "If I can just get him to marry me, everything will be great!" - or how many men who are like "Well, maybe if I finally get her the ring, she'll stop being a total bitch" WRONG WRONG WRONG, PEOPLE!!) Oh, boy, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. But I guess if you're stupid enough to think, unequivocally, that "marriage works" just because a billboard tells you so, then you deserve to get married and find out the truth. I'm not saying marriage doesn't work, but if you're in doubt, you probably shouldn't be thinking about it, or doing it just because a billboard said so. Oy. Idiots.
But then, on Monday, we were in Baltimore again and I spotted THIS billboard. The top of my head nearly popped off I was so crazy with rage:

So... if you're not going to fall for the "Marriage Works" line, well, shit, DO IT FOR THE MONEY. What the hell kind of message is THAT sending???

HOLY CRAP I almost burned it to the ground right there. I nearly drove off the road. My body temperature went from 98.6 to 175 in like a nanosecond. I looked like one of those cartoons with steam coming out of my ears and my eyes popped out of my head. It was ugly.

Matthew tried his best to calm me down, but since I'm married to him, I just ignored him.

Posted by ribbu at January 30, 2008 02:35 PM


Laughing so incredibly hard. And Kate is even breaking from her grilled cheese to laugh, too. Well enjoyed for many different reason. Mostly because we aren't the only ones that fly into rages over things that other people just ignore or tune out.

- Nick & Kate (and Kate's couch)

P.S. Kate says that you should not drive off the road because marriage worked so well you have another life to consider. A life that we'll babysit.

Posted by: Nick at January 30, 2008 09:03 PM

So...when do I get this money?

Posted by: Matthew at January 30, 2008 11:30 PM

Robbi - I saw the third installment in this series last night. I probably shouldn't even tell for fear steam might come out of your ears again. But here goes. Falls Road - right near your old house. Same couple on the billboard. This one says, "Children of married people do better in school." So if you decide that "marriage works" isn't enough of a reason to get married and you're not interested in more money, then you should definitely get married so your kids will be better students. Makes perfect sense to me. Right?

Posted by: thepiendak at February 1, 2008 08:58 AM

This is so crazy?! I am in total agreement with you. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THIS SENDING! WHO was sitting around the board room having this presented to them and said, "YES! This will fix our city. Tell the people that if they get married, they will have more money. Lets not mention that married people usually pay for a wedding, buy a house and have kids which could potentially sock them into poverty (or illegal means to "earn" this money), or divorce (which also costs money) no, no need to add that kind of disclaimer. I SAY print it!" It seems midevil and scary. Not just the billboard itself, but that people thought this was not only OK, but A GREAT IDEA to promote such a shallow view on marriage. Oys, right.

Robbi, this is such a coincidence. I was headed to the Post Office to send out a package on Friday and I saw this billboard for the first time. It was in the middle of the day and normal people are working then so I had no one to call and rattle with rage to. I couldn't stand it so I called Mike and I was so mad that I got mad at him because he couldn't understand what the hell I was fuming about, I couldn't complete my sentences. Billboard....ridiculous...! Who?!...What kind of twisted message is this...right!?!?

Anyhoo, I thank you for giving me the space to get my feelings out. Now, I must pull myself together, straighten my hair and have a glass of lemon water.

Posted by: Jen Hill at February 4, 2008 11:46 AM

a response is needed.

how much do billboards cost? let's all pitch in a get something up there with a better message!

there are so many great ways to respond to those!

Posted by: nifer at February 6, 2008 12:45 PM